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RELATIONSHIPS
Tips for Communicating with Your Ex-Spouse
Communication is the essential criteria for the welfare of your children if a strong decision to end a marriage or relationship is taken. Never, ever drag old issues which would make your children pawn in your conflict or resentment. Poor parental communication leads to hazardous effects on the child's behavior. Don't hesitate to seek the advice of a counselor if you find it necessary.
Relationship with your children and partner should be viewed in different perspectives since these two relationships are no longer co- related.
The relationship with your former spouse/partner should be maintained merely as a business transaction. Fix an appointment to meet in a neutral place like a restaurant. Dress appropriately and try not to be late. Revolve around the issues to be discussed and don't distance yourself from the crux of the matter. Never prolong the ending.
Prepare relevant guidelines to the issues regarding decisions, visitation, responsibility towards children, etc. Avoid frequent phone calls and try to discus all the relevant issues during the stipulated time of your scheduled meetings.
Reduce unscheduled contact as far as possible. It is advisable to send a list of questions and concerns to your former spouse/partner. This would inevitably help in analyzing the problems better.
Deal with one issue at a time until resolution to a certain extent is achieved. Do not allow past topics to reflect in your conversation. Avoid discussing issues when the other person is either under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Define the purpose of meeting and stick only to it. Talk politely and avoid name-calling, blaming, cursing and criticizing.
Try to anticipate the other person's concerns and desires. Listen carefully to what he/she has to say. This would give space to comprehend and sort problems for both.
A structured mode of communication such as Intentional Dialogue should be adopted to discuss problematic issues. The structure helps in occupying the attention of both and doesn't give scope for any diversion of mind. The Basic Dialogue might be in a need to get modified. Don't hesitate to convey your desires and concerns. After each one's views are conveyed try to pave the path for a Win-Win solution that would inevitably reach both party's needs and concerns at least to a certain extent if not completely. |
